Plaxico digs wide receivers EVEN FUCKING DEEPER!!!11

NFL wide receivers have already established themselves as the biggest assholes in pro sports ever, and the list of them is never ending with new recruits coming in once a year to fill the holes of the old ones. Haha, holes. It recently came to my attention that Plaxico Burress has officially done himself in as a pro player. While I should pity tha foo, I really don't mind laughing my ass off at him.

Scenario time.
My name is Plaxico Burress. I'm a 6ft 5in, 232lb pile of man meat that catches balls like nobodys business. I love to party, obviously because I make nearly eight million fucking dollars a year. Like any self-respecting pro player I hit the clubs to party, that's where I can hear the awesome hits from Soulja Boy and Lil' Wayne. Being 6'5" 232lbs you'd think I don't need much protection, I'm big enough to get beat up on all day while I play for the Giants. But, like most people, I like to feel REALLY fuckin' protected dawg, that's why I carry my handgun. And SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKING LEG. End scenario.

This is what the worst thing ever (TMZ) tells me:

He's shot himself in the foot all season, and now it appears NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg last night -- with an actual firearm!

It all went down in a Manhattan nightclub called The Latin Quarter -- details of the incident are sketchy and so far a police report has not been filed.

Burress' leg injury is being reported as "non-life threatening" and he reportedly left the hospital some time this morning.

I will now take a moment to reflect...and I am glad the guy didn't die from a gunshot wound to the leg (what the fuck?!).
First of all, he was at a club called The Latin Quarter. After a little research, I have come to the conclusion that it's actually called LQ Nightclub on the streets. Considering the place has a $225.00 VIP cover for the NYE celebrations, I can only assume it's a pretty well-protected, and possibly well-armed, bar. Why the FUCK you would feel the need to bring a gun in there in the first place is absolutely ludicrous, especially considering the fact that YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH TO PLAY IN THE NFL and most of the other people there are probably pretty stacked and classy. At this point, they don't really have any details on the freak self-shooting accident, but I can only assume what happened to this fucking idiot. There's a thing on a gun called a safety, and for some reason I feel like he forgot to use it...
After an ultra fast Google search (literally, first result while searching for "where is the safety button on a pistol") I found a plethora of information on guns. As in, HERE IS THE SAFETY IN THE ON POSITION...HERE IS THE SAFETY IN THE OFF POSITION! It's that hard, Plax, to figure out that death machine. And isn't the main focus of gun safety to never point a gun at someone, or yourself? That's right, just wedge it behind that belt buckle and get your dance on because, as you may know, guns don't go off unless a FINGER pulls the trigger. Fucking idiot. I mean, really, let me point a live pistol in the direction of my Johnson. No thank you.

Plaxico Burress, you're a lucky man. It's going to take you awhile to recover from a leg injury (hopefully) and you might get kicked off the team for being a moron (hopefully), but at least you didn't shoot off your only chance of creating horrible, gun-toting offspring who could follow in your dumb, absolutely idiotic footsteps. Wait, at least, damn it, why didn't you shoot off your dick?